Back when I was in school, it was easy to identify the bullies. They were loud and mean and pushed people around either physically or verbally. Everyone knew the kids who were the bullies and we did our best to either be their friends or stay clear of them. I stayed clear because they were not people I wanted to be friends with.
Fast forward to today, and I see that the bullies live all around us. No place is this more prominent than on social media. As a matter of fact, it’s almost acceptable to be a bully online, like a badge of honor if someone disrespects someone else. I say: In your face stupid people!
What is a bully?
Perspective is an amazing thing. I’ve been told that I acted like a bully a time or two. So, I think it’s fair to explain what a bully really is. It’s not someone who just disagrees with you or tells you what to do. Contrary to popular belief, we can have a civil conversation with people we don’t agree with. Webster’s dictionary defines a bully as: “A person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable.”
If your intentions are to harm a person or make someone feel like they are less than you, or you perceive someone to have low self-esteem and you use that to your advantage, you are a bully. A bully can also bury someone in silence, judge you and ignore you, leave you wondering what you did and what you could have done, and feeling helpless and less than them. Bullies pick on the weak or on people who are different than they are.
We’re no exception
Like all professions, dental assisting has bullies. Although they aren’t the norm, and we all know some amazing team members, there are always those team members who think they’ve worked long enough and can delegate their duties to other assistants, or those who think the sun rises and sets on them, or those who insist you’re the little person in the office and they stand on mount high. We’ve all experienced bullies in dentistry.
It’s hard to work in an environment like that. Many times, I’ve heard people say the bully is the doctor’s favorite. If that’s true, dealing with the bully becomes very difficult. They know they hold an advantage and they’ll use it.
The best advice I can share when it comes to someone bullying you is—they will do it only as long as you allow it to happen. People will push you as far as you let them. For your own peace of mind, you must stop it from happening. Each scenario is completely different, and there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to handling the situation.
What you can do
As difficult as it will be, you must be open to communication. Most people are non-confrontational, meaning they don’t really want to talk about things with you. Sometimes, they want to voice their concerns but then not take the time to listen to your side of the story. They’re quick to accuse, strike with harsh words, and then turn and leave, leaving you standing there wondering, “What the heck just happened?”
Speaking to them becomes even more important because this behavior has to stop. When you do, be respectful, even when they aren’t. Always take the high road! No name calling or attacking is allowed. A true bully will try these tactics and if you keep your cool, they will become frustrated. If you feel the need, have the conversation with the office manager or doctor also present. It may seem difficult, but this is the best way to let a bully know that you’re done messing with them!
Above all, never, ever treat anyone with disrespect. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Remember the newbie who was just hired, that shy girl who just graduated from dental assisting school? Yeah, she deserves the same respect that your doctor receives, and the same respect you do.
If all else fails, then there is only one thing to do. Although I don’t like telling someone to find a new place to work, sometimes there just isn’t anything else to do. Ultimately, you have to be happy at work because life is short and stressful enough. We should love going into work, not dread it. We spend more time with our work families than we do our own families, so they should be that—family.
Each and every person is worthy of time and respect. When you take that from someone, you become the person you dislike the most. Think about that.
Tija Hunter, CDA, EFDA, CDIA, CDSO, CDSH, MADAA, is a member and current vice president of the American Dental Assistants Association (ADAA), where she holds the honor of Master. Tija is the editor of Dental Assisting Digest and contributes to Dental Economics magazine. She is the director of the Dental Careers Institute, a dental assisting and dental continuing education program, and an international speaker and a certified trainer in nitrous oxide in several states.
