Diana talks about directives, part 5

Nov. 8, 2010
Lisa Newburger, L.I.S.W.-S/a.k.a. Diana Directive provides humorous ways to deal with difficult topics. Check out Diana’s webpage at www.discussdirectives.com.To read past Diana Directive articles, please click here.Hallelujah!! My zit finally went away. Those girls at the front desk are…DANGEROUS! It could have scarred me for life! Thank goodness that nightmare is over. Looking as stunning as ever, I know that they are jealous of me. But, I had the last laugh. Last week, Serena, one of the dental hygienists, and I had a long talk. You know, the usual ... I talk and the world listens … it isn’t like she has anything as interesting to say, right? She is nosy … and wanted to know why my mom came to the office. I told her how my best friend Bruce violated our pact of the world revolves around Diana and had turned me down to be my Power of Attorney for Healthcare. She was stunned. I mean, she had heard the rumors, but she thought they were all lies. I told her how mom is going to be my Power of Attorney for Healthcare. Serena seemed satisfied with that answer. Personally, I think she was jealous of me. But then again, aren’t all women?It was time for an early lunch … so I blew off my patient to go online. I needed to find out what to do with my Power of Attorney for Healthcare and Living Will forms. I guess I am supposed to distribute them? Do you think they will be worth something to a collector? It has my autograph and everything. Maybe if I attach my photo, it will be worth even more! Ok, I learned they are supposed to go on my medical chart at the hospital, give it to my doctors, keep it in my glove compartment of my car, and give it to all my family members. This way, if mom loses it … which I am sure she will … someone else can produce it. Darn, I just chipped a nail on the keyboard. This is going to ruin my whole day! Then, my dentist came in to check on the patient and was not happy to see me “taking care of my nail.” He mentioned something about an irate patient waiting in the waiting room … demanding answers as to why I am running late. He told me to put a Band-Aid on the nail. Yeah, right. I should probably pursue a workman’s comp claim. He just stood there with his hands on his hips, glaring at me. Doesn’t he know that when he purses his lips like that, he will get wrinkle lines? Better him than me.“WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW DIANA?” Did he need to yell at me? I think that is his way of saying…he cares. “Hey doc. My hearing is just fine. How’s yours?” He wasn’t amused! I threw on my million dollar smile and winked at him. He didn’t seem to soften up. Oh my gosh … am I losing my skills as a goddess? Of course not. He just is in a cranky mood again. He asked, “Are you shopping again? We talked about not doing that at work when you have a patient waiting.” He can be so nasty. I am taking care of my advance directives. He told me to run along and take care of it. He doesn’t need me the rest of the day. How unbelievably kind of him. Do you think he will pay me for the rest of the day? Of course he will, right? Time to go do what I love … SHOP!As I was waltzing out the door, waving to “the front desk girls,” I got a text on my cell. It said…Mom is in the emergency room. Get to Hillcrest Hospital. That ruins a perfectly good day off. Do you think I can swing by and get my Starbucks on the way over? After all, how long will I have to sit in a hospital? A girl needs to have some good nutrition for whatever lies ahead. Got to run. I’ll let you know next month what happens. Hope mom will be fine. Tomorrow is the semi-annual sale at Nordstrom’s. She would have to be really really sick to miss that. Maybe I can sneak out and shop for her. After all, that is what mom would want, right?