Director's Message: Top 10 ways to handle tense family/office gatherings

Let's face it. Family and even office gatherings can often be explained like the lyrics, "I beg your pardon, and I never promised you a rose garden."

Some office parties are like masquerade balls, with everyone straining to maintain a façade. For others, they're Wild Wild West shootouts or gluttonous encounters of too much food, too much alcohol and often too little clothes. Try some of these tips.

1. Make a pro-and-con list. Clear your head, find a calm moment, and decide whether it is best for you to go or stay home.

2. If you feel obligated or "have to" go, consider "bite size." Plan to visit only for appetizers or dessert.

3. Educate yourself. Seek information on the issues or dynamics that tend to come up in your family or workplace.

4. Dig deeper. How do you contribute to the tension? Can you adjust your understanding of other points of view?

5. Seek to understand. Get to the heart of things by asking questions in a relaxed, open, and non-defensive way.

6. Be prepared. Holiday-related emotions may arrive early. Recognizing the source can help you deal with them more effectively.

7. Take care of yourself. If the atmosphere isn't safe, leave. Gather with friends, do volunteer work, or pamper yourself.

8. Call a friend. Debrief after the visit with someone you trust.

9. Be patient. Real change — in you, your team, and or in your family — takes time.

10. Be gracious. Aim for maturity and compassion in dealing with family/ work situations.

Kristine A. Hodsdon RDH, BS
Director, RDH eVillage

Director's reading suggestion:
Sharon Ellison's "Taking the War Out of Our Words," or "Non-Violent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg.