I recently hit what can be euphemistically termed �a milestone decade.� Thankfully, my staff refrained from putting up any obnoxious portable signs announcing that fact to the world. Some of us have trouble accepting the inevitable, but I constantly tell myself it�s better than the alternative. I recently attended a seminar by Mr. Imtiaz Manji. He said that every morning when he wakes up, he sticks his hand out to the right side of the bed and then to the left, and then straight up. If he doesn�t hit wood, he knows he�s not in a coffin and he�s going to have a great day. That�s the best attitude to have.
Quite awhile ago, I stumbled across an effective psychological technique to break children of the habit of thumbsucking. It doesn�t work all the time, but it�s a great first attempt that works for many kids. Let�s say we have a cute six-year-old in the chair for her first dental visit. Her mother tells me that she can�t get her daughter to quit sucking her thumb. I find out that her birthday is in three months. Sometimes children won�t admit that they suck their thumb. I try to trick them into this conversation by asking in a friendly, curious manner which thumb they like to suck on. Almost always, they hold up the coveted thumb. Then, I explain that it�s all right to keep doing it a little while longer, but that she will need to quit later on because it will make her pretty face not so pretty if she continues.
I win her over by telling her that she can keep sucking her thumb! This allows me to be effective in the next part of this little mind game. I then tell her that she can quit sucking her thumb when she turns seven. I tell her that her mother was right about not sucking her thumb, but we can still allow it until her seventh birthday. I make a big deal out of her birthday and keep emphasizing how important that big day will be. I tell her that her mother will remind her of that special birthday, but that we will allow her to keep at it until then. I then take her mother aside and explain how important it is for her to keep reinforcing �our deal.�
If the child�s birthday is a long way off and you want to break the habit earlier, pick Christmas, Easter, or some other special day as the �deadline.� This technique conditions the child on a daily basis, similar to a post-hypnotic suggestion. I�ve had mothers call me and tell me that their children did indeed quit sucking their thumbs on their birthdays. I�m a dentist � not a psychologist. I have no idea if I�m properly explaining how it works. All I know is that it works great with many children. If this approach fails, there�s always the never-failing �torture rake� appliance!
What does this have to do with me getting older? I think we can apply the same principles when conditioning ourselves to meet our personal and professional goals. On many of my birthdays, I�ve had preset goals that I�ve hoped to attain. What better way to celebrate a birthday than to accomplish something that makes you more peaceful, profitable, and happy? Do you write your goals down? I don�t either! Haven�t we always been told to write our goals down and re-read them every day to find great success? I can�t argue with the concept, because I know many successful people advocate it.
I�m not sure why, but I have never written down a goal as a formal declaration with an accompanying completion date. I�ve always felt bad when presenters or authors stress the importance of this habit. During some of these seminars, they tell you to write down five important goals and the date by which you hope to complete them. I am always reluctant to do this and usually don�t take the suggestion too seriously. I don�t think I�m alone on this.
I finally received some support when I first heard Connie Podesta speak at The Richard�s Report Super Fall Seminar in Las Vegas. Connie is a counselor, speaker, comedienne, author, and TV personality; more importantly, she�s also a wife and mother. She presents the most entertaining, enlightening, and emotionally moving presentation that I�ve ever attended.
I was surprised to hear Connie say that she has never written down a goal and completion date, as many advocate. She said that she always felt that writing down specific goals can be self-limiting and quite devastating if they are not met. Later, I interviewed Connie on the phone. She stated that while studying to become a schoolteacher, she had an unwritten �goal� to be a principal. In preparation for graduate school, she stood in a long line, waiting to talk to an advisor about a curriculum to help her pursue this goal. While waiting in line, she had a conversation with the people standing in an adjacent line. These students were interested in counseling. During their conversation, Connie realized how much fun these people were and how interesting this field was. She decided to switch lines.
Connie says today that had she written down her goal of becoming a principal, it would have mentally conditioned her and �locked her in� to that goal. She wouldn�t have switched lines and would not be where she is now. We may be, and usually are, far more capable than we allow ourselves to imagine. Many people pass up many great opportunities because they are subconsciously �locked in� to a specifically stated goal.
Connie goes on to say that many people suffer unnecessarily because they often don�t meet their unwritten goals and have to cope with feelings of disappointment or failure. She also stresses that it�s more important to have goals that are based on values rather than financial gains. Set goals to be more courteous or loving. When you achieve these types of goals, your life improves in many areas, which may include finances. As Zig Ziglar says, �You can get everything out of life by simply helping others get what they want.� That�s what attaining values-based goals can do for you.
I agree with Connie that there is no right or wrong way. Written goals work great for many people and may be right for you. But if you�re like me and just don�t have the desire or discipline to do it, rest assured that you�re not alone. You may in fact be doing the right thing by not writing your goals down in your day planner.
I like to set my goals based on my birthday or sometimes New Year�s Day. As an example, for quite some time I wanted to begin presenting a new seminar, �Efficient-dontics� by the time I turned the �Big 5-0.� I also had a few personal goals I wanted to achieve. I�ve found that I don�t really need to write them down � I know when my birthday is, and I certainly know what my goals are. Did I attain them? No, but I did pretty well with most of them. I was extremely gratified to present that first seminar nine days following my birthday. I accomplished some personal goals, too � but not all of them. I�m not devastated � I�m glad that I�ve made a good start.
Actually, I accomplished more things on this last birthday than most days. My great staff greeted me that morning as I drove up. They were all wearing black and singing �Amazing Grace.� They had black balloons and decorations throughout the office and had prepared a breakfast fit for a king. The orange juice and champagne lasted until noon, when most of them left. I stayed the afternoon and started knocking out projects. I left the office at 5 p.m. and stopped by the hardware store on the way home. Our two daughters called from college to wish me a happy birthday; then, Sandy and I went out for a nice dinner and enjoyed the rest of the evening at home.
Sure, I could have gone golfing that day or otherwise taken it easy. But I really don�t think it would have been as satisfying as the feeling I get when I accomplish goals and get things done. Plus, I�m a bad golfer.
Birthday goals can be anything from setting up a retirement plan, starting to exercise, or to start telling your spouse and children that you love them on a regular basis. Dentists are well-known for procrastination. Set a few goals now for hiring that hygienist, expanding your office, setting up a bonus plan, purchasing a dental office, taking that new technique course, eating healthier, or quitting smoking. We�re not getting any younger, so select your birthday goals � whether you write them down or not � and quit sucking your thumb!
######################################################
Dr. Joe Steven, Jr, is a full-time practitioner from Wichita, Kan., and is the founder and president of KISCO. Along with Dr. Mark Troilo, he presents �The $1,000,000 Staff� seminar to dental groups nationwide. Contact Dr. Steven at (800) 325-8649, or e-mail him at [email protected].
