The stress-relieving power of authenticity

When we try to figure out how we should behave in certain situations, we aren't being authentic. When we aren't authentic, we put ourselves at risk of hurting our relationships with our managers, our colleagues, our clients, and most importantly, ourselves. In this article, Walt Grassl explains how adhering to our core values can help us to relieve stress and make our work lives much easier. Paul and Trudy work in a midsized company. Paul recently had to present in meetings with both upper management and with customers. With the high level of scrutiny this entailed, he became more and more stressed out. Before each meeting, he tried to determine how to act: What questions might be asked? What is the best answer? What do they want to hear? Trudy, Paul’s long-time associate in the office, noticed his stress and invited him to lunch. After listening to Paul describe his feelings, she felt as though she understood the root cause of Paul’s stress—he wasn't being authentic. So, she shared her thoughts on authenticity with him. When you aren't being authentic, it can be extremely stressful. You feel you have to behave differently, depending on the situation. You have to choose between being yourself and being who you think others need you to be. You develop strategies for how you behave in different situations. You don’t act in a way that is consistent with who you are and what you value. Everything you say or do is part of some thought-out plan. Whether you are talking to your company's CEO or to your customers, you should be your authentic self. Whether you are closing a big negotiation or interviewing for a big promotion, you should be your authentic self. Whether you are speaking at a conference or a small staff meeting, you should be your authentic self. The same "you" should show up in all situations. If you know who you are and are genuinely authentic, where you are and who you are talking to should not change that. In other words, the core of who you are and what you stand for should come through every time. While you may change your communication style or the clothes you wear, these changes should not change the essence of who you are. Respect and value yourself. Be authentic. Don’t apologize for who you are. You have strengths and weaknesses. We all do. That is what makes us unique. Authenticity gives you the courage not to get pressured into decisions that aren't in line with your values. Being authentic lets you ignore the judgments of others. Being authentic lets you trust yourself. Authenticity benefits many different professional relationships. When you consistently behave according to your values, people learn to trust you. You attract people by interacting with them in meaningful ways. You tell them the truth. People may not agree with your choices, but they will know that your choices are based on your values—not office politics or whether you like them. At times, you will make mistakes and misjudge situations and/or people. When those mistakes come are consistent with your core values, others will see that. Don’t blame yourself or regret your decision. You will have made a conscious choice, although it may have been difficult. You will not have succumbed to outside pressure or influences. So even when the outcomes of your efforts are not as you hope for them to be, accept responsibility but know you did the right thing. Managers When you share what you believe with clarity and honesty, your managers will respect you. Good leaders value independent thinkers. Good leaders do not want contrarians or sycophants. Tell them the truth—not what you think they want to hear. Do not put your managers on pedestals. They are like you, only with different job descriptions. They may perform better in some areas, but they are people, too. You are more similar to them than you are dissimilar. You are not "lesser" than them. Coworkers and teammates When you consistently show up as your authentic self, your coworkers and teammates will trust you. When you get assigned to a new team or start a new assignment, you may be tempted to figure out how to act in order to fit in. As previously mentioned, attempting to act a certain way just to fit in will only create stress for you and distrust of you for others. Be yourself! Take a genuine interest in your colleagues. Ask questions about them. Listen to their answers without interrupting to add your thoughts on what they are saying. When you value their thoughts and opinions, they will value yours. They will know you are sincere and trustworthy. They will know you have no hidden agenda. They will know that you speak your truth and that you are not just going along with the crowd. You will learn new things. Be open to new experiences and be honest about what you don't know. You will become a valued member of the team. Customers and clients When you are authentic with your clients and customers, you become someone they trust. Sometimes, this means saying "no" when something is not aligned with your values. While this can be extremely difficult, your customers and clients will recognize this, and the right ones will value it for exactly what it’s worth. They will not be able to deny your authenticity and integrity and will be able to trust you (and your product) without any doubt. Have you ever had the feeling that something was not quite right about a person? Most of the time, that's your instinct telling you that the person is not being authentic. It can cause you to distrust them. Well, that works both ways. The best gift we can give others is our authenticity. When we let people see behind any masks or walls of emotional armor we may have put up, we connect with them. Let's go back to the story of Paul and Trudy. During the weekend following their conversation, Paul thought about Trudy’s words. He had been trying to fit in and wasn’t showing up as himself. So, he made a decision to be himself. He determined that he would not try to impress others in order to fit in. Ultimately, his decision made his work life much easier. He felt less stressed. He enjoyed more honest relationships with his managers, coworkers, and customers. MORE BY WALT GRASSLAsking for forgiveness, not permission: The importance of judgment and responsibilityThe art of imitation: 5 ways to enhance your creativity and become less risk-averse at work Walt Grassl is a speaker, author, and performer. He hosts the radio show, “Stand Up and Speak Up,” on the RockStar Worldwide network. Walt has performed standup comedy at the Hollywood Improv and the Flamingo in Las Vegas, and he is studying improv at the Groundlings School in Hollywood. For more information on bringing Walt Grassl to your next event, visit WaltGrassl.com.